There are some things about the single life that are slightly disturbing, and things about the single life that are not so much.
Being single can be fun for many reasons. The most prominent one is independence. It's nice to be able to go someplace without having to tell someone else where you're going and check in if you're going to be late. I enjoy being able to check out hot guys and not feel bad about it. It's fun to flirt and giggle without the guilt of thinking "I have someone at home, this poor guy.. I'm just leading him on while he could be hitting on some single chick". It's fun being the single chick. Free drinks and flirting and dancing with the girls. It truly is the life. Minus the constant alone-ness....
On the other hand, there's the dating game. Which is the worst part of being single. There are so many weirdos, creepers and just straight up (I hesitate to say this, but it's true) uggos out there!! And they all seem to be like mosquitoes. If you ever frequent the bars, you know who I'm talking about. You're out dancing with your girlies, and these are the guys who creep up behind you and all of a sudden their hands are on your hip and they grind on your leg like a dog in heat. This move is strictly reserved for the aforementioned "weirdos". The hot guys stay at the bar all night and creep until the last hour, then they move in. Or, you walk by the pool table, or go outside for some air, also where they frequent, and they'll strike up a conversation with you. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, creepers. Although hot guys seem to be exclusively at bars and the occasional Starbucks, creepers are everywhere. I decided I didn't really like the club scene anymore due to (especially in the summer) mini skirts and mini dresses causing the "Mosquito Effect" to run rampant. There is no way any type of semi-attractive girl can step foot in a club without at least one guy on her ... butt... Wanting to dance and/or take her home. What? Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm gonna put out to anyone! I hate that assumption. So, being disgusted with the gross attempts of creepy stinky military guys trying to pick me up, I went to the seemingly safer option of online "dating". For me, it's more like "online browsing and rejecting" as I've only gone on about two dates as a result of profiles and they were nothing like I imagined. I find that everytime I check out the "Who Viewed You" section of any of these sites, it's creepy people. Either skinny guys with unibrows or chubby guys trying to win the "funny guy" points by not telling you anything about themselves except that they are so hilarious! It's tiring. Then you get messages from guys like this saying "you are so beautiful. You have sexy eyes.." Then I check their profile and it's like a 34 year old Asian who looks 50.. BARF!!! I am just sick of creepers to the point where I am also done with online dating. How the heck is a girl to find anybody when the amount of creepers in the dating world are that of rats and spiders in a 19th century Venezuelan prison (and about as hygienic as them too). It is very rare to find a decent guy in this day and age. Mind you, at school and work are good places to look too, but even then, hot guys in the office are usually the scum of the earth too.
It's very difficult to be single. But I guess that's the price we pay for our independence. It's a little annoying, but it's good to not be tied down to anyone or anything. I think I'm done with the dating game for a while. Just until I get myself settled in my life, I think that will make it easier to settle into someone else's if I'm already settled in my own.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Divorce? Unemployment? Failure?
"But what if you get divorced? You have to be prepared for that," is what she said to me.. What??
If you are married, did you walk into that contract with the thought "Well, I better start preparing for the divorce now"? Didn't think so. That would be stupid.
I was talking about marriage, careers and children with my mother the other day and she said something really interesting to me. I'm going to begin by explaining the conversation and I will get back to what she said to me.
I was discussing my post: Dreams Come True - And Sometimes They Change with my mom the other day. I had mentioned that right now I have decided to focus on my career and just go for it; "that is," I said, "until I get married". You see, when I get married, I plan on being a stay-at-home wife. Now, I may work for the first while just so we can get settled, but as soon as I get pregnant and have children, I will be a stay-at-home mom and take care of the kids while my husband goes to work.
My mother's response to this was not supportive at all. She said, "So, what about your career?" And I responded with "I feel my kids will be more important to me as this is what I've wanted for as long as I can remember." The career is just passing time until I build my family. To this she responds, "Well, that wouldn't be wise. I mean, what if you get divorced?"
.............
"WHAT??" I was speechless. Who thinks about that? Oh, I know: a divorcee who raised two children and had a career all by herself. Okay, so that was great for you, but you know what? I'm not you! And when you got married, you didn't think, "Hmm, I think I'm going to stay with this guy for seven years then I think I'll fall out of love and get divorced then I can raise two girls on my own..." No, because that would make the thought and act of marriage one hundred percent moot. Why would someone get married and have children if their overall thought was "Someday, I will be divorced"?
Perhaps that's why I ended the relationship early with the one man that I was even close to marrying. I'm scared. I suppose I'm afraid that this will happen to me. I suppose I'm afraid that even though I can be absolutely in love with someone right now, maybe in seven years, or fifteen years (like one of my friends), I'll magically be un-in love with him and be all alone again. But I don't want to be that skeptic. I don't want to be that person that looks at every relationship and says, "But what if we break up?" Or go to a wedding and ask: "I wonder when the divorce will be?" I try every day not to be that person. But with every passing day of me being alone and of no prospects while (it seems) everyone around me is either dating, getting married or having a baby, it makes me feel like my life is going nowhere. And then I have "uplifting" people like my mother who say things like "Well, if you get divorced..." and my sister saying "You can't really do much with just an undergrad degree"... So, according to my family, my personal and my professional life are doomed to fail. Why do people even bother if there is such a huge possibility to fail? I mean, I'm not going into school saying to myself, "Well, after four years and $40,000 of debt, I plan on being unemployed and living in a box. It will be hell, but let's do it!!"Or when I (if I) finally get married, I'm not going to walk down the aisle thinking, "Good thing I signed that prenup, this is going to be the longest x amount of years of my life."
Everyone plans on succeeding when they plan their life. People go to university planning on beginning a career in their desired field. People get married planning on beginning a family and being together forever. So, why is there so much skepticism? Why is there always that person (or people) that say "There's no way you can achieve that". To these people, I am going to conclude this blog entry with a quote by Marianna Williamson:
So, thinking about this, I have some things to say to these people who have said these negative things to me. My whole life, these two women have been my main, actually my only, role models. I have constantly looked to these brilliant, talented, driven and strong women to help me along. So, when they tell me I can't do something, I truly take it to heart. The last two lines of Marianne's quote inspire me to ignore the words of my role models and look at their lives. My mother, who tells me to prepare and think of divorce, may not have the strongest romantic life, but her career was amazing. She was in the military for twenty-five years and now she is fifty-one and can afford to fully retire travel as she pleases. She never went without and her family was always provided for. On the other hand, my sister says "What will you do with a degree?" Slandering my hopes of a career kind of makes me sad, but then I look at her life. She is happily married to a very kind, well rounded Christian man. They have a house, two cars and a new baby. They seem happy in their romantic life and seem very successful as well in this. I can't help but think that, just because they didn't succeed in one area of their life, they think that I can't. But, I can't help but wonder, "Why can't I do both?" Is it possible to have a successful marriage and a successful career? We'll see how life turns out, I really hope it is.
If you are married, did you walk into that contract with the thought "Well, I better start preparing for the divorce now"? Didn't think so. That would be stupid.
I was talking about marriage, careers and children with my mother the other day and she said something really interesting to me. I'm going to begin by explaining the conversation and I will get back to what she said to me.
I was discussing my post: Dreams Come True - And Sometimes They Change with my mom the other day. I had mentioned that right now I have decided to focus on my career and just go for it; "that is," I said, "until I get married". You see, when I get married, I plan on being a stay-at-home wife. Now, I may work for the first while just so we can get settled, but as soon as I get pregnant and have children, I will be a stay-at-home mom and take care of the kids while my husband goes to work.
My mother's response to this was not supportive at all. She said, "So, what about your career?" And I responded with "I feel my kids will be more important to me as this is what I've wanted for as long as I can remember." The career is just passing time until I build my family. To this she responds, "Well, that wouldn't be wise. I mean, what if you get divorced?"
.............
"WHAT??" I was speechless. Who thinks about that? Oh, I know: a divorcee who raised two children and had a career all by herself. Okay, so that was great for you, but you know what? I'm not you! And when you got married, you didn't think, "Hmm, I think I'm going to stay with this guy for seven years then I think I'll fall out of love and get divorced then I can raise two girls on my own..." No, because that would make the thought and act of marriage one hundred percent moot. Why would someone get married and have children if their overall thought was "Someday, I will be divorced"?
Perhaps that's why I ended the relationship early with the one man that I was even close to marrying. I'm scared. I suppose I'm afraid that this will happen to me. I suppose I'm afraid that even though I can be absolutely in love with someone right now, maybe in seven years, or fifteen years (like one of my friends), I'll magically be un-in love with him and be all alone again. But I don't want to be that skeptic. I don't want to be that person that looks at every relationship and says, "But what if we break up?" Or go to a wedding and ask: "I wonder when the divorce will be?" I try every day not to be that person. But with every passing day of me being alone and of no prospects while (it seems) everyone around me is either dating, getting married or having a baby, it makes me feel like my life is going nowhere. And then I have "uplifting" people like my mother who say things like "Well, if you get divorced..." and my sister saying "You can't really do much with just an undergrad degree"... So, according to my family, my personal and my professional life are doomed to fail. Why do people even bother if there is such a huge possibility to fail? I mean, I'm not going into school saying to myself, "Well, after four years and $40,000 of debt, I plan on being unemployed and living in a box. It will be hell, but let's do it!!"Or when I (if I) finally get married, I'm not going to walk down the aisle thinking, "Good thing I signed that prenup, this is going to be the longest x amount of years of my life."
Everyone plans on succeeding when they plan their life. People go to university planning on beginning a career in their desired field. People get married planning on beginning a family and being together forever. So, why is there so much skepticism? Why is there always that person (or people) that say "There's no way you can achieve that". To these people, I am going to conclude this blog entry with a quote by Marianna Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel so insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in all of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
So, thinking about this, I have some things to say to these people who have said these negative things to me. My whole life, these two women have been my main, actually my only, role models. I have constantly looked to these brilliant, talented, driven and strong women to help me along. So, when they tell me I can't do something, I truly take it to heart. The last two lines of Marianne's quote inspire me to ignore the words of my role models and look at their lives. My mother, who tells me to prepare and think of divorce, may not have the strongest romantic life, but her career was amazing. She was in the military for twenty-five years and now she is fifty-one and can afford to fully retire travel as she pleases. She never went without and her family was always provided for. On the other hand, my sister says "What will you do with a degree?" Slandering my hopes of a career kind of makes me sad, but then I look at her life. She is happily married to a very kind, well rounded Christian man. They have a house, two cars and a new baby. They seem happy in their romantic life and seem very successful as well in this. I can't help but think that, just because they didn't succeed in one area of their life, they think that I can't. But, I can't help but wonder, "Why can't I do both?" Is it possible to have a successful marriage and a successful career? We'll see how life turns out, I really hope it is.
Courses!
EEKK!! So, it's official. I have been registered for my courses beginning September, 2011!! When choosing my courses, I had to keep in mind what my major is. I am majoring in Psychology, so I wanted to take as many psychology courses this year as I could. However, there were only three available. Two of which I didn't think I qualified for. I was simply going to go for Community and Individual Transformation which "explores the role of the community as the context for individual transformation". And, even though one of my core courses was available, I was unable to take it because I didn't have the prerequisite for it. You see, I thought I needed Psy 100 and Psy 101 (which are two core courses), but it turns out, I only needed one or the other as they're essentially the same thing. So, now I can take Developmental Psychology which delves into the wonderful world of human development, and focuses "primarily on child and adolescent development" which is perfect for what I want to do. Plus, it is a required course for my degree. So, this term will be full of four third year courses and two first year. So, I'm really hoping that the first year courses will even out all the third year courses. I could not be more excited for this term to happen.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Organic Hair Products Take 1
Hey. So a few weeks ago, I was talking with Nadya about homemade (and/or organic) hairproducts. And I decided I'd give it a try. Well. I finally made them today. It took me about an hour, but I made hairspray, shampoo, conditioner and body lotion. I'm going to post the recipes I created on here right now, but I'm letting them sit for 24 hours before I use them. I have put them in the fridge overnight as I head off to my overnight job. I am super excited to have them made. So far, the lotion seems to have worked. I smeared a bit on my hands before I came upstairs to write this and it feels pretty good :D Now, I don't recommend you try these quite yet as they probably still need to be tweaked. But I'm just too excited (and slightly afraid that I'll lose the paper I wrote these on), that I must share!! I started cooking the hairspray first, and while it was boiling, I had time to make the shampoo and the conditioner.
Hairspray
Ingredients
2 Medium sized lemons
2 Cups of water
Directions
Cut each lemon into quarters.
Place into a saucepan, and pour water over top.
Cook on high heat until the water is boiled.
After it has boiled, pull off of the heat.
Remove the lemons from the water, using tongs so you can squeeze out all the extra juice back into the pot.
Strain the water over a colander and place into a spray bottle.
Refrigerate overnight.
Shampoo
Ingredients
1 Kiwi
1/2 Cup Baking Soda
Directions
Peel all the skin off of the kiwi.
Blend the kiwi until it makes a pasty goop.
Strain the goop so that you get rid of any extra chunks.
There should be about a half a cup of kiwi juice.
Mix the baking soda in with the kiwi. It will form a lime-green paste (and smell like PlayDoh....).
Put in a sealable container and refrigerate overnight.
Conditioner
Ingredients
1/2 Cup Vinegar
3 drops Vanilla
Directions
Mix the vinegar and vanilla together.
Put in a sealable container and refrigerate overnight.
Body Lotion
Ingredients
1 Yogurt Cup
1/2 Cup Milk
1/4 Cup Sugar
3/4 Butter
3/4 Cup Flour
1-2 Tbsp Vanilla**
Directions
Blend yogurt, milk, sugar and butter together.
Add vanilla and flour.
Blend everything together.
Put mixture in a sealable container and put in the fridge overnight.
**Note: the vanilla is just for scent, if you want to add another extract it you want a different scent. Different extracts include coconut, almond oil, etc.
So, those are all my recipes (for now). And I will be trying all of those things out tomorrow and let you know how everything works out. I am very excited to try these and tomorrow's blog will entail everything else that comes with it. :D
Hairspray
Ingredients
2 Medium sized lemons
2 Cups of water
Directions
Cut each lemon into quarters.
Place into a saucepan, and pour water over top.
Cook on high heat until the water is boiled.
After it has boiled, pull off of the heat.
Remove the lemons from the water, using tongs so you can squeeze out all the extra juice back into the pot.
Strain the water over a colander and place into a spray bottle.
Refrigerate overnight.
Shampoo
Ingredients
1 Kiwi
1/2 Cup Baking Soda
Directions
Peel all the skin off of the kiwi.
Blend the kiwi until it makes a pasty goop.
Strain the goop so that you get rid of any extra chunks.
There should be about a half a cup of kiwi juice.
Mix the baking soda in with the kiwi. It will form a lime-green paste (and smell like PlayDoh....).
Put in a sealable container and refrigerate overnight.
Conditioner
Ingredients
1/2 Cup Vinegar
3 drops Vanilla
Directions
Mix the vinegar and vanilla together.
Put in a sealable container and refrigerate overnight.
Body Lotion
Ingredients
1 Yogurt Cup
1/2 Cup Milk
1/4 Cup Sugar
3/4 Butter
3/4 Cup Flour
1-2 Tbsp Vanilla**
Directions
Blend yogurt, milk, sugar and butter together.
Add vanilla and flour.
Blend everything together.
Put mixture in a sealable container and put in the fridge overnight.
**Note: the vanilla is just for scent, if you want to add another extract it you want a different scent. Different extracts include coconut, almond oil, etc.
So, those are all my recipes (for now). And I will be trying all of those things out tomorrow and let you know how everything works out. I am very excited to try these and tomorrow's blog will entail everything else that comes with it. :D
Monday, June 20, 2011
Dreams Come True - And Sometimes They Change.
Hypothesis: I've realized something as of late. I'm beginning to notice that the things we dream of as children somehow switch directions entirely and even by the time you're in your twenties, those dreams fade and your life becomes completely opposite of what your dream was.
Here is why I think this:
Exhibit A: My sister. Let's call her Anna (Not her actual name). Anna grew up in the books. By the age of 7, she was reading novels like a sixth grader. She was my hero. She always was. She was always the perfect daughter. She was the perfect student, and she was the perfect older sister. She was everything I wanted to be, and more. As we grow older, this still holds true. But for many different reasons.
When we were kids, I admired her because she seemed to be the pride and joy of my mother and I seemed to be the constant screw-up. I admired her because she was so good at everything. She was a hard worker. She was constantly getting great marks in school, she was athletic and she was beautiful. Now, though, she is married, has a beautiful baby girl and a lovely home on the outskirts of the city.
So, what changed? Life, I guess. See, as a child, she was driven to be a career-oriented independent woman. Probably because that's what mom was. Mom didn't need a man in her life to make it complete, so why would Anna? This makes complete and utter sense. About three quarters through her Chemical Physics degree, though, Anna fell in love and got married. We were all so proud of her. Her goal switched. She had fallen in love. As she was 21, I suppose her goals changed. Now she is happy with her family and her husband's career goals seem more important to her than her own. Interesting how her dreams of a career changed to the aspirations of mother and wife. Something she never imagined that she would want.
Exhibit B: Me. Growing up, I always wanted to be a mother. I don't know what it is. Even watching home movies, I have a baby in my arms (not a real one, obviously). I cared for those dolls like they were real children until I was thirteen and I hid them away so I wouldn't get made fun of. At 17, I took a parenting class in which we got (some would say had) to take home a mechanical baby, wake up at night to its cries and treat it like an actual child. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the very few who took this assignment seriously. My dream my whole life has been to fall in love, get married, have babies and make house for my husband. As I turned 21, I realized, this will never happen. I've had only one serious boyfriend and that just ended. Now, I am 22 and I have no direction in my life because I have been awaiting Mr Perfect. So, now that I have come to this realization that love and children won't just happen for me, I have decided to focus on my career. I need to switch my focus from the happy family that I have longed for (and will continue to long for until I am an 85-year-old spinster) my whole life to having a career and some sort of focus in my life.
As a child, I was depressed. As a teenager, I was confused and angry (symptoms of depression). As an adult, I finally sought help. I am 22 and I have nowhere to go. I am going back to school after four years of dead end jobs and living on minimum wage (which is near impossible). I have decided where I want my career to go. I want to help kids and teenagers suffering from depression. Too many children are told that they are rebellious and "bad children", teenagers are told they are "angry" and have "issues". But nobody is there to help them through their issues. I find teenagers are blamed for their problems rather than being helped to learn the root of the problem. They then become frustrated, saddened, disheartened adult losers. (I say that because I am one). Perhaps my mothering heart was put in place for such a career as this. To help, not just my own children, but those of other people. I need to help fight childhood depression so that their futures aren't as bleak as mine.
Conclusion: Sometimes, we may start out our journeys dreaming of one thing, but life is interesting in that it sometimes will throw a curveball and leave us wanting (and getting) something completely different that will leave us more fulfilled than we could ever have imagined.
Here is why I think this:
Exhibit A: My sister. Let's call her Anna (Not her actual name). Anna grew up in the books. By the age of 7, she was reading novels like a sixth grader. She was my hero. She always was. She was always the perfect daughter. She was the perfect student, and she was the perfect older sister. She was everything I wanted to be, and more. As we grow older, this still holds true. But for many different reasons.
When we were kids, I admired her because she seemed to be the pride and joy of my mother and I seemed to be the constant screw-up. I admired her because she was so good at everything. She was a hard worker. She was constantly getting great marks in school, she was athletic and she was beautiful. Now, though, she is married, has a beautiful baby girl and a lovely home on the outskirts of the city.
So, what changed? Life, I guess. See, as a child, she was driven to be a career-oriented independent woman. Probably because that's what mom was. Mom didn't need a man in her life to make it complete, so why would Anna? This makes complete and utter sense. About three quarters through her Chemical Physics degree, though, Anna fell in love and got married. We were all so proud of her. Her goal switched. She had fallen in love. As she was 21, I suppose her goals changed. Now she is happy with her family and her husband's career goals seem more important to her than her own. Interesting how her dreams of a career changed to the aspirations of mother and wife. Something she never imagined that she would want.
Exhibit B: Me. Growing up, I always wanted to be a mother. I don't know what it is. Even watching home movies, I have a baby in my arms (not a real one, obviously). I cared for those dolls like they were real children until I was thirteen and I hid them away so I wouldn't get made fun of. At 17, I took a parenting class in which we got (some would say had) to take home a mechanical baby, wake up at night to its cries and treat it like an actual child. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the very few who took this assignment seriously. My dream my whole life has been to fall in love, get married, have babies and make house for my husband. As I turned 21, I realized, this will never happen. I've had only one serious boyfriend and that just ended. Now, I am 22 and I have no direction in my life because I have been awaiting Mr Perfect. So, now that I have come to this realization that love and children won't just happen for me, I have decided to focus on my career. I need to switch my focus from the happy family that I have longed for (and will continue to long for until I am an 85-year-old spinster) my whole life to having a career and some sort of focus in my life.
As a child, I was depressed. As a teenager, I was confused and angry (symptoms of depression). As an adult, I finally sought help. I am 22 and I have nowhere to go. I am going back to school after four years of dead end jobs and living on minimum wage (which is near impossible). I have decided where I want my career to go. I want to help kids and teenagers suffering from depression. Too many children are told that they are rebellious and "bad children", teenagers are told they are "angry" and have "issues". But nobody is there to help them through their issues. I find teenagers are blamed for their problems rather than being helped to learn the root of the problem. They then become frustrated, saddened, disheartened adult losers. (I say that because I am one). Perhaps my mothering heart was put in place for such a career as this. To help, not just my own children, but those of other people. I need to help fight childhood depression so that their futures aren't as bleak as mine.
Conclusion: Sometimes, we may start out our journeys dreaming of one thing, but life is interesting in that it sometimes will throw a curveball and leave us wanting (and getting) something completely different that will leave us more fulfilled than we could ever have imagined.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
(Happy?) Father's Day
Hey.
So, today is Father's Day. A day to celebrate dads and father figures throughout the world. But, I need to ask the question, what are you supposed to do when and if you don't have a father to celebrate?
Let me tell you, as a child from a divorced family. I grew up with just a mother and a sister. No father around for father's day, birthdays, Christmas or anything else in between. During elementary school, every art class centred around some sort of holiday. Every one was just fine, until Father's Day came rolling around, just to haunt me and reiterate every year that something was missing from my life. We would do big projects centred directly around a celebration of how "great dad is" and how he's "always been there through everything". I would make the craft, the whole time wondering, who do I have in my life that I can possibly think of giving this to on that special day that was reserved specifically for dads. With a tear in my eye and a little pain in my heart, I would write To: Mom- Happy Father's Day. It killed me a little bit inside everytime; and I'm not quite sure how it affected her when she saw her little girl's heart breaking every year, every Father's Day and every Christmas when I would have a father-specific present/gift/craft and no one to give it to.
I was discussing this with my mother the other day and I've decided that Father's Day and Mother's Day shouldn't really exist. What with families being what they are these days. There are so many different types of families, it doesn't make sense that there would be specific days for these. For instance, we could have Parent's Day, which can celebrate your two moms, your two dads, your mom and dad, just your dad or just your mom. One day to celebrate them all. In that case, no child feels bad on one specific day because their mom ran off five years ago and hasn't written, or your father died in Afghanistan. Or that your dad lives 20 minutes away and still doesn't visit. No child should have to go through that pain. It's hard enough living in a situation like that, let alone having the constant reminder through the public education system that you've been abandoned by one of your parents, but hey, what the heck, let's make something to celebrate them for the 6 months they were in your life.
It just doesn't make sense to me. I guess it's kind of a sensitive topic for me, as Father's Day has always been difficult for me. I find the whole 24 hours every year I constantly think: Don't think about it, do something else. And I never can get my mind off of it. Not really. I like to think I do, but I know in my heart of hearts, all I want is to celebrate one Father's Day with my dad, where I give him a new gardening hat, bring him to supper or buy him a coffee. Just so he can know that even though we don't talk, I still love him and I wish we could spend some more time together. Just one. One Father's Day is all I want. I'm starting to think that that's a little too much to ask though.
To those fortunate enough to have fathers to celebrate with, please enjoy every minute of it. Please appreciate your father, there are people out there who don't know their father, or who don't have an opportunity to get to know them, or who were abandoned by their father, or who have lost their father. Fathers are truly a gift and they should be celebrated. Even if it's a quick email before you head off to work this morning, or a phone call when you get home from church. Either way, let him know you're thinking of him. Whether he'll admit it or not, I'm sure it will mean a lot to him to know his kids are thinking about him on this beautiful Sunday.
So, today is Father's Day. A day to celebrate dads and father figures throughout the world. But, I need to ask the question, what are you supposed to do when and if you don't have a father to celebrate?
Let me tell you, as a child from a divorced family. I grew up with just a mother and a sister. No father around for father's day, birthdays, Christmas or anything else in between. During elementary school, every art class centred around some sort of holiday. Every one was just fine, until Father's Day came rolling around, just to haunt me and reiterate every year that something was missing from my life. We would do big projects centred directly around a celebration of how "great dad is" and how he's "always been there through everything". I would make the craft, the whole time wondering, who do I have in my life that I can possibly think of giving this to on that special day that was reserved specifically for dads. With a tear in my eye and a little pain in my heart, I would write To: Mom- Happy Father's Day. It killed me a little bit inside everytime; and I'm not quite sure how it affected her when she saw her little girl's heart breaking every year, every Father's Day and every Christmas when I would have a father-specific present/gift/craft and no one to give it to.
I was discussing this with my mother the other day and I've decided that Father's Day and Mother's Day shouldn't really exist. What with families being what they are these days. There are so many different types of families, it doesn't make sense that there would be specific days for these. For instance, we could have Parent's Day, which can celebrate your two moms, your two dads, your mom and dad, just your dad or just your mom. One day to celebrate them all. In that case, no child feels bad on one specific day because their mom ran off five years ago and hasn't written, or your father died in Afghanistan. Or that your dad lives 20 minutes away and still doesn't visit. No child should have to go through that pain. It's hard enough living in a situation like that, let alone having the constant reminder through the public education system that you've been abandoned by one of your parents, but hey, what the heck, let's make something to celebrate them for the 6 months they were in your life.
It just doesn't make sense to me. I guess it's kind of a sensitive topic for me, as Father's Day has always been difficult for me. I find the whole 24 hours every year I constantly think: Don't think about it, do something else. And I never can get my mind off of it. Not really. I like to think I do, but I know in my heart of hearts, all I want is to celebrate one Father's Day with my dad, where I give him a new gardening hat, bring him to supper or buy him a coffee. Just so he can know that even though we don't talk, I still love him and I wish we could spend some more time together. Just one. One Father's Day is all I want. I'm starting to think that that's a little too much to ask though.
To those fortunate enough to have fathers to celebrate with, please enjoy every minute of it. Please appreciate your father, there are people out there who don't know their father, or who don't have an opportunity to get to know them, or who were abandoned by their father, or who have lost their father. Fathers are truly a gift and they should be celebrated. Even if it's a quick email before you head off to work this morning, or a phone call when you get home from church. Either way, let him know you're thinking of him. Whether he'll admit it or not, I'm sure it will mean a lot to him to know his kids are thinking about him on this beautiful Sunday.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
PostSecret
So, there is a website called PostSecret that people send postcards to and they are posted for all the world to see. Some people send it such deep, dark secrets, that it's no wonder they have kept these secrets.
I was considering sending in some secrets of my own, but then I realized there is no way anyone will ever know some of the secrets that I harbour. This could be why I feel so sad and alone every day of my life. So, I have printed photos of the people I would like to tell my secrets to, and wrote the secret on them. Still not sure what I will do with those secrets, but I'm glad I got them out of my system.
Since I got off my anti-depressants in February, I have been so lethargic and sad. I don't know exactly what's wrong with me, but I feel like I am so alone all the time. I cannot wait to go back to school so that maybe, possibly, I can feel some sort of purpose in my life again.
This is not meant to make anyone feel sad for me, or pity me. It is just something I've been thinking about all night.
I was considering sending in some secrets of my own, but then I realized there is no way anyone will ever know some of the secrets that I harbour. This could be why I feel so sad and alone every day of my life. So, I have printed photos of the people I would like to tell my secrets to, and wrote the secret on them. Still not sure what I will do with those secrets, but I'm glad I got them out of my system.
Since I got off my anti-depressants in February, I have been so lethargic and sad. I don't know exactly what's wrong with me, but I feel like I am so alone all the time. I cannot wait to go back to school so that maybe, possibly, I can feel some sort of purpose in my life again.
This is not meant to make anyone feel sad for me, or pity me. It is just something I've been thinking about all night.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Organic hair products
Hey, so I have been talking with my second year university roommate (Nadya) about homemade shampoo and conditioner. She told me for shampoo, use baking soda with a couple drops of water to make a paste, then massage into hair. After the shampoo, use cider vinegar or plain yogurt to moisturize hair. Over the next little bit, I will be attempting to use and create recipes for organic health and beauty products. I still need recipes for face wash, body wash and body lotion, so I shall experiment with those as well.
So today, I bought some lemons to make some hairspray and some kiwis to try and make some fruitylicious shampoo.. My Magic Bullet will be getting quite the workout this week. I will also be going to Dollarama (it was closed today) to get bottles to put all this stuff in.. I will be making the hairspray for sure tomorrow and I will do my hair and let you know how it goes. I may also try creating an anti-frizz gel so that my hair doesn't get too crazy while straightening it. I will let you know.
Nothing really new happening right now in my life. I officially told my landlord today that I am going back to university in September. Now, I need to find somebody to either sublet my room from September 1 to January 31, or take over the lease beginning September 1. This should be an interesting venture. I posted pictures of my furniture on Kijiji last night, but nothing yet. I really am hoping that I can sell some of this stuff before I move.
So today, I bought some lemons to make some hairspray and some kiwis to try and make some fruitylicious shampoo.. My Magic Bullet will be getting quite the workout this week. I will also be going to Dollarama (it was closed today) to get bottles to put all this stuff in.. I will be making the hairspray for sure tomorrow and I will do my hair and let you know how it goes. I may also try creating an anti-frizz gel so that my hair doesn't get too crazy while straightening it. I will let you know.
Nothing really new happening right now in my life. I officially told my landlord today that I am going back to university in September. Now, I need to find somebody to either sublet my room from September 1 to January 31, or take over the lease beginning September 1. This should be an interesting venture. I posted pictures of my furniture on Kijiji last night, but nothing yet. I really am hoping that I can sell some of this stuff before I move.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Back To School
These past couple of years have been quite the experience. I graduated high school in 2007, I was eighteen and very excited to start my life outside of my hometown of Petawawa. My first year of university was very interesting. I began my university career by taking the Diploma of Worship Studies and Spiritual Formation program (also known as Introduction to Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies) which was headed up by Dan Wilt at St. Stephen's University in New Brunswick. Through this one year diploma program, I wrote a song, performed at the school's chapel services, made new friends, laughed and cried. I learned a lot about myself during this program, I learned that God isn't always what we imagine Him to be. I learned the true value of Christian relationships and that unconditional love and acceptance from people is possible.
Following my first year of university, I worked for the summer at Petawawa Research Forest. This was quite interesting, especially considering I am not a huge fan of Summer or of the outdoors. I really appreciate the experience of this job, as I discovered that the outdoors is wonderful. I would find myself mesmerized by the canopy of trees above and around me. So mesmerized, in fact, that I would sometimes forget that I would need to do my job.
After that summer, I had been planning on returning to St. Stephen's University as of September 2008, but when I went to see Mamma Mia on August 24th, I had a big decision to make. Would I go back to school? Or would I go to the city to try and live my Broadway Musical dream. My whole life, I had wondered if I could make it on the big stage or if Broadway was just some pipe dream. Well, I moved to Ottawa three days later and stayed there for three months. I was working full time at Tim Horton's and then took some Musical Theatre classes at the Ottawa School of Speech and Drama. As much fun as those classes were, I could feel myself longing for something more. I had to go back to school - real school. January 2009 rolled around and I emailed St. Stephen's University and they welcomed me back with open arms. That January, I took a six course load, worked 20 hours at the school's library and 20 hours at Tim Horton's. That was the best time of my life. It was challenging, to say the least, and time management was definitely at its finest.
After finishing that term, I moved to Hamilton, Ontario with my friend Nikki. We were subletting rooms in a house for a friend of a friend. We couldn't find jobs and we were pretty much broke for the summer. I stayed there for two months, and got sick of being unemployed. I went to the local recruiting office and signed up to join the military. After a couple of weeks, I called my father to tell him that I had joined and he came to pick me up. I lived with him for a couple of months until I went to Basic Military training. I started in the military as of August 29, 2009. Within a week, I was injured. They sent me to Warrior Fitness Training to begin with, and I was just on restrictions, meaning that I couldn't do specific exercises. After about a month, I was sent to Adapted Warrior Training, where I was given specific exercises that were designed not to strain my injury but also keep me in shape so that someday I could go back on platoon.
I met a guy named Brian while I was there, he was in the process of his release due to his injury, so he was moving back to Oshawa, which was his hometown. After a couple of months of being at basic and having a long distance relationship with him, I decided my hip wasn't about to get better anytime soon anyway, so I may as well release. I was released as of February 2010, which is when I moved in with Brian in his house in Oshawa. I was immediately taken by his daughter and fell in love with his parents instantaneously. We lived there until Easter, when I decided I couldn't bear to continue on with him when he is unemployed and losing the house. I moved back in with my dad in Beachburg, Ontario. A few weeks later, Brian moved to Petawawa and we quickly found jobs and an apartment in Pembroke, Ontario where we lived for the summer. That relationship ended and I moved in with my mom.
While working for American Express in Pembroke, I made many new friends. Friends that I would learn to trust and to care for no matter what happens. We did everything together. We went tanning, grocery shopping, work, gym - I mean everything.
When I got fired from American Express due to a security violation (I had my cell phone out), I decided I had some choices to make. I had to either find a job, and fast, or go back to school and finish my degree. I applied for some programs online and also some jobs online. I got a job in Ottawa and moved into a house here at the end of January. For the past four months, I have been living and working in Ottawa, but I have not been really that happy. I have recently decided that I will be returning to St. Stephen's University to get my degree in Psychology and see where life takes me from there.
With these experiences, I have learned so much about life, people and myself. I feel as though returning to university will be a step in the right direction to get my life in order. I feel as though this university experience would not have been the same if I had done it all right out of high school. I believe everything happens for a reason and that these experiences of the past four years have made me into a different person. Someone who is ready to take on the challenge of university once again.
Following my first year of university, I worked for the summer at Petawawa Research Forest. This was quite interesting, especially considering I am not a huge fan of Summer or of the outdoors. I really appreciate the experience of this job, as I discovered that the outdoors is wonderful. I would find myself mesmerized by the canopy of trees above and around me. So mesmerized, in fact, that I would sometimes forget that I would need to do my job.
After that summer, I had been planning on returning to St. Stephen's University as of September 2008, but when I went to see Mamma Mia on August 24th, I had a big decision to make. Would I go back to school? Or would I go to the city to try and live my Broadway Musical dream. My whole life, I had wondered if I could make it on the big stage or if Broadway was just some pipe dream. Well, I moved to Ottawa three days later and stayed there for three months. I was working full time at Tim Horton's and then took some Musical Theatre classes at the Ottawa School of Speech and Drama. As much fun as those classes were, I could feel myself longing for something more. I had to go back to school - real school. January 2009 rolled around and I emailed St. Stephen's University and they welcomed me back with open arms. That January, I took a six course load, worked 20 hours at the school's library and 20 hours at Tim Horton's. That was the best time of my life. It was challenging, to say the least, and time management was definitely at its finest.
After finishing that term, I moved to Hamilton, Ontario with my friend Nikki. We were subletting rooms in a house for a friend of a friend. We couldn't find jobs and we were pretty much broke for the summer. I stayed there for two months, and got sick of being unemployed. I went to the local recruiting office and signed up to join the military. After a couple of weeks, I called my father to tell him that I had joined and he came to pick me up. I lived with him for a couple of months until I went to Basic Military training. I started in the military as of August 29, 2009. Within a week, I was injured. They sent me to Warrior Fitness Training to begin with, and I was just on restrictions, meaning that I couldn't do specific exercises. After about a month, I was sent to Adapted Warrior Training, where I was given specific exercises that were designed not to strain my injury but also keep me in shape so that someday I could go back on platoon.
I met a guy named Brian while I was there, he was in the process of his release due to his injury, so he was moving back to Oshawa, which was his hometown. After a couple of months of being at basic and having a long distance relationship with him, I decided my hip wasn't about to get better anytime soon anyway, so I may as well release. I was released as of February 2010, which is when I moved in with Brian in his house in Oshawa. I was immediately taken by his daughter and fell in love with his parents instantaneously. We lived there until Easter, when I decided I couldn't bear to continue on with him when he is unemployed and losing the house. I moved back in with my dad in Beachburg, Ontario. A few weeks later, Brian moved to Petawawa and we quickly found jobs and an apartment in Pembroke, Ontario where we lived for the summer. That relationship ended and I moved in with my mom.
While working for American Express in Pembroke, I made many new friends. Friends that I would learn to trust and to care for no matter what happens. We did everything together. We went tanning, grocery shopping, work, gym - I mean everything.
When I got fired from American Express due to a security violation (I had my cell phone out), I decided I had some choices to make. I had to either find a job, and fast, or go back to school and finish my degree. I applied for some programs online and also some jobs online. I got a job in Ottawa and moved into a house here at the end of January. For the past four months, I have been living and working in Ottawa, but I have not been really that happy. I have recently decided that I will be returning to St. Stephen's University to get my degree in Psychology and see where life takes me from there.
With these experiences, I have learned so much about life, people and myself. I feel as though returning to university will be a step in the right direction to get my life in order. I feel as though this university experience would not have been the same if I had done it all right out of high school. I believe everything happens for a reason and that these experiences of the past four years have made me into a different person. Someone who is ready to take on the challenge of university once again.
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