The Mailbox

So, I've started this new journey of my life, going back to university. And I can't help but notice that everyday as I pass my mailbox, it is empty. I find that most of the surrounding mailboxes get things in them at least once a day, and mine constantly taunts me with its emptiness. So, today, upon discovering that my mailbox is, once again, empty, I wrote a poem about how it feels to discover that I have no friends from back home who are willing to write me to ask how I'm doing. Now, I do understand that modern technology is becoming the place for words of encouragement and notes, however, I'm not even receiving those. My electronic mailbox is also empty. So, this poem is in regards to both types of mailboxes: physical and electronic (and yes, electronic also means Facebook - Wall as well). This is in no way a pity party or a guilt trip, just a revelation, of sorts, and an expression of my feelings. Enjoy.

The Mailbox

An empty shelf.
A hollowed space.
A saddened heart
feels out of place.

From this old house,
there must be more.
Do I have friends
outside that door?

I talk to them,
I wish them well.
But when I see
that empty shell,

I can’t help but feel
that I’m alone
and that I really
don’t have a home.

They don’t think
outside themselves;
and all I see
are empty cells.

Filled with sorrow,
filled with pain,
filled with nothing
filled with disdain.

It mocks as I pass
with laughter it jeers;
it sits with a smile
and smirks at my tears.

It remains empty
with each passing day,
and if something should pass
it shoos it away

It likes to see
one so downtrodden;
the girl left alone
the girl who's forgotten.

Cosmological Argument - Part 1

I'm going to preface this with an interesting quote that I found through my reading and my thoughts on it. I will then rant *slash* vent about my Philosophy of Religion class this morning.

"A philosophical knowledge of God, for Thomas (St. Thomas Aquinas), is a 'preamble to faith'; it provides a rational foundation both for the unbeliever in his approach to Christianity and, as for St. Anselm, for the individual who already believes what he does not yet understand," (God and Reason, Ed. L. Miller; page 47).

I found this interesting due to the fact that it kind of explains why theological philosophy is necessary to life as we know it. Many Christians have a "knowledge of God", but I find that, overall, it is a somewhat juvenile, unformed, knowledge. A "philosophical knowledge" of God allows us to ask questions and to explore God even more fully so that we can grow in and learn to know Him better, or at least try.

The very concept of God is mind-blowing. This was proven during class today as we began exploring the thought of proving God's existence. This is very difficult to do, especially if you have several "devil's advocates" in the class, constantly insisting that God does not exist. Admittedly, I am one of them, but I understand how the real world works when it comes to trying to convince people that God exists, especially intellectuals. I once dated an atheist, which led to some interesting, and occasionally heated discussions around philosophy and religion, and I have first hand experience with the objections that are posed. I find that theoretical objections are not realistic to actual objections. I truly hope that we explore realistic objections in further detail so that we will be able to create rationally convincing arguments around the subject of God's existence.

This post shall continue, however, I have been discussing and mulling over the cosmological argument for the past 5 hours, and I need a break before I start my second philosophy class of the day, which will entail Analytic and Continental Philosophies; so, I feel as though a 2 hour break is slightly warranted.

Community and Growth

So, I officially had my first upper level Psychology class this morning (yes, I'm finally winding down after being up for 15 hours).. And yes, I have been working on Psychology as well as doing a few hours at Tim Horton's (I stink like coffee, cream and grossness).
I am currently reading "Community and Growth" by Jean Vanier, and I must say, it is a very intriguing book. I have finished the first chapter (finally, it seemed to have taken forever), but it was very interesting. So many wonderful points were made and I look forward to continuing the book. I have yet to write my reading log on this chapter, but it's not due until Saturday at midnight, so I've made notes in the book simply because it's easier for me to do it that way. This course seems to cover most of my areas of interest, and I feel as though it will be very helpful during thesis-writing time.
Also, today, I began my job at Tim Horton's (lame, I know, but what can you do). I only worked 3 hours and 12 minutes, but I got $9.50 per hour I was there plus an extra $3.81 in tips :D I'm pretty excited to keep working.. But I don't work again until Thursday, which is also very exciting. So much is happening this week, but I am so stoked that I am taking the steps to begin my career. My Psych professor, Walter has told me to stop by sometime this week to talk with him regarding my major (aka Psych, obvs). I am, of course, double majoring but Philosophy is mainly a "fun" major, if that makes sense. Many people are confused when I tell them Philosophy is fun for me; they look at me as though I have 3 heads, but it truly interests and excites me. I do know, however, that I need a Psychology degree to pursue my career of assisting children with depression and related (for lack of a better word) disabilities.
I am truly interested in my fields of study (I know that that should be normal, but not a lot of people are). I'm excited to continue on with my studies in Community Psychology and Philosophy of Religion. I am hoping to find a way to merge the two viewpoints in my thesis in two years, but a lot can happen in two years.

When I came here 4 years ago, I didn't really have a sense of why I was here and why I should be here. Vanier makes an excellent point in his book "Community and Growth" that states, "If we enter community because of our own choice, we will stay only if we become more aware that it was in fact God who chose us for this community. It is only then that we will find the inner strength to live through times of turmoil," (p. 44). This quote speaks to me in regards specifically to SSU, by which I have gone through a long road of searching and hurting to get to this place (emotionally, mentally and physically). Gregg Finley said on the first day of Orientation Week that "none of us are here by coincidence, we have all been called by God to be here," and that really hit home for me due to all that I have been through. These past couple of months have truly proven to me that I am meant to be here. Timing is everything. I honestly don't feel like I should have come here when I originally did (I'm glad I did, because I met some stellar people), but I don't feel as though I was mature enough in any facet of my being to commit to anything or to open up to the concept of community. I needed to figure out myself and my world in order to find my calling. And I was called back here. I'm still not positive of my purpose here, but I definitely have a sense of peace when I am here.

So, being a full time student, a part time worker and a volunteer stage manager for a local theatre group can be very time consuming and very stressful if one is not organized, so I am very precise when it comes to scheduling and budgeting. But something really hit home for me as I was reading "Community and Growth", it reads: "But to be good instruments of God's love we must avoid being over-tired, burnt-out, stressed, aggressive, fragmented or closed up. We need to be rested, centred, peaceful, aware of the needs of our body, our heart and our spirit. Jesus says that there is no greater love than to give our lives, but let us not give our over-tired, stressed and aggressive lives. Let us rather give joyful ones!" (p. 47). This really hit me because I find when I am over-tired, I am slightly rude and I seem to wear my fatigue quite openly, when it is no fault of the community that I have stretched myself so thin. I find that it is a conscious decision to be "rested, centred and peaceful", for the good of the community. I am learning that, although my life is full of stress and busy-ness, I am accountable to make the effort for peace. I find time in my busy life to relax and have a peaceful time for myself and am calmed by this alone time that I have.

First Week

So, classes officially started yesterday morning. This week has been freaking amazing! I have met some stellar people (and have hung out with equally stellar people who I have met previously) and had a great time. I have already gotten a job - it's Tim Horton's but it's a paycheque nonetheless. I shall be working 20 hours a week at my job, plus courses. Initially, I was going to take 6 courses this term (I was stressing), however, after a brief visit with the registrar, she advised me that I had already taken Peter Fitch's Ancient History course (yay me!!) So, I'm down to 5 courses, which is AWESOME!!! So excited. And I shall be doing a double major in Psychology and Philosophy with a (tentative) graduation date of December 2013. This is my first study session and I have decided to procrastinate by blogging about how I should be doing homework. However, this is my English study session, so I don't blame me for procrastinating as English holds absolutely zero interest for me, and I am glad that this is my last non-Philosophy or Psychology class for the rest of my days :)
I should really be journalling about haikus and Fish and whatnot, so, I'll get back to that and blog when I can.
Talk soon!